I think it's cool that firestations have poles to slide down, apparently because stairs take too long. Which makes me wonder why there aren't poles like that in hospitals.

Fire = hurry! rush!
Heart attack = Fuck you. I don't hurry for you. You wait for the elevator like a civilized dying person, god damn it.

Cat stuck in tree = No time for stairs! Cat! Might! Die! Of... well we're not really sure, I mean, the little shit would come down if he was really hungry and everyone stopped shouting at him, right?
Brain hemmorage = I went to medical school. I don't have time for your nonsense.

Actually, if a doctor was man enough to handle the pole, he probably would have become a fire fighter.

Ahem. I'm full of piss and vinegar lately, aren't I? I think it's all the Coca-Cola Cherry Zero. Yum.

My Cat is Bigger Than Your Car

This is probably going to piss you off. I'm sorry. Also, I should preface this by saying I have never had a dog, and will never had a dog, mostly because the licking reminds me too much of my 7th grade boyfriend. Ew.

So. When I look at the way people treat their dogs and treat their children, sometimes I feel like an alien living in some strange place where I don't understand the customs. It's so fucking confusing to me. Like:

• Some parents have been arrested lately for using shock collars on their children. This is horrible, repugnant, and unbelievably abusive. But... why is it okay to use these on dogs? I mean... really. If you can't control your dog without resorting to using electic SHOCKS? Maybe you shouldn't have a dog? I'm just saying.
• I don't get why people shut their new babies up in a room all by themselves and then let their dogs sleep with them. (Or cats for that matter, anyway.) I don't get that. I'm lazy. When my kiddos were nursing, there was no fucking way in this lifetime or the next I was was going to get my ass out of bed 4 or 5 times a night to feed a newborn. My kids do now sleep in their own rooms, because they sleep better and longer for it, but I miss them sometimes. And so the cats will have to do for nighttime snuggles. Though they could quit walking on my fucking hair anytime now. HELLO.
• Food. I admit that my kids eat healthier because they are gluten intolerant than they probably would otherwise. I also admit that my kids eat burgers and fries at least once a week. But most people (myself included) would never consider feeding their pets this kind of garbage. But we feed it to our kids? (Pausing a moment to process my own guilt about this.)

Anyway, just some random ramblings for a Wednesday morning.

Things a 19-month-old says

Janet are? (Where is Janet at? Janet would be his lovey, named after his grandma.)
Find it more.
Spiderman 2. Watch it. Now. Peese.
Choco Milk! Choco Milk!
Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? DAD!
Poop. Butt. Funny.

TV Loves Me More

Me: Why does Angel have to make fun of Weir like that? Like he didn't take enough shit on Freaks and Geeks?
Him: What the...? You know that we're watching a totally different show, right?
Me: So?
Him: So, his name is Booth on this.
Me: So?
Him: Um... you completely get lost in this world, don't you?
Me: Is it my fault that these people exist purely for my entertainment or that Angel is totally in love with me? Is it?

Me: Did you tape my show?
Him: What show?
Me: ONLY THE BEST SHOW EVER, OH MY GOD, also known as America's Next Top Model.
Him: Yes, yes I did. Unfortunately.
Me: I wonder why they never interview anyone from ANTM on NPR? They must not know about it. I should tell them.
Him: Yeah, that's why.