Sippin the Sauce
How long does a grapefruit need to sit on your desk at work before eating it will get you drunk? Just wondering.
Speaking of booze, I went to the grocery store last night to finish up my Christmas shopping in the liquor department. But lord, I didn't want anyone to think I was a boozer or anything, so I bought some yogurt. And some diet bread. Now they just think I'm single and lonely.
I never buy alcohol, because I'm married and I make my husband do that. My dowry? A lifetime of errand running and nagging. See why I was snatched up so young? So I head over to the section of the type of alcohol I'm buying (see my vagueness? Shhh. I don't want Jane to know she's getting a big azz bottle of wodka for Christmas). The choice! It's too much! How do people decide? I, of course, had a budget, so I picked the prettiest bottle for the price.
Then I had to wait in line for a long time. A looong loooong time, while all of my elementary school teachers and my pastor walked by and saw me holding the giant jug of firewater. The woman in front of me in line bought almost $900 worth of beer and wine coolers. "Wild berry," she said, "Because it's the only thing I like to drink." Well, clearly. You might want to try water sometime, no?
So I had time to get all ready, and I got out my check card and my ID, you know, in case. Of course the guy wasn't going to card me, but then he saw that I already had it out and was all, "I guess I'll take a look at that." Oh. Thanks for humoring me in my aged and decrepit state. Finally, I bought my hooch, and headed for the door. And I promptly dropped the bottle. Dropped. The giant bottle of grog. (Why yes, I did bust out the thesaurus, and I am still a nerd. Hi.) Loudly, I said, "Shit!" But, it totally bounced. It bounced? WTF. So, anyway, the bottle was fine, and I went home, and by then, yeah, I really wanted to drink some. But I didn't. The end.
Speaking of booze, I went to the grocery store last night to finish up my Christmas shopping in the liquor department. But lord, I didn't want anyone to think I was a boozer or anything, so I bought some yogurt. And some diet bread. Now they just think I'm single and lonely.
I never buy alcohol, because I'm married and I make my husband do that. My dowry? A lifetime of errand running and nagging. See why I was snatched up so young? So I head over to the section of the type of alcohol I'm buying (see my vagueness? Shhh. I don't want Jane to know she's getting a big azz bottle of wodka for Christmas). The choice! It's too much! How do people decide? I, of course, had a budget, so I picked the prettiest bottle for the price.
Then I had to wait in line for a long time. A looong loooong time, while all of my elementary school teachers and my pastor walked by and saw me holding the giant jug of firewater. The woman in front of me in line bought almost $900 worth of beer and wine coolers. "Wild berry," she said, "Because it's the only thing I like to drink." Well, clearly. You might want to try water sometime, no?
So I had time to get all ready, and I got out my check card and my ID, you know, in case. Of course the guy wasn't going to card me, but then he saw that I already had it out and was all, "I guess I'll take a look at that." Oh. Thanks for humoring me in my aged and decrepit state. Finally, I bought my hooch, and headed for the door. And I promptly dropped the bottle. Dropped. The giant bottle of grog. (Why yes, I did bust out the thesaurus, and I am still a nerd. Hi.) Loudly, I said, "Shit!" But, it totally bounced. It bounced? WTF. So, anyway, the bottle was fine, and I went home, and by then, yeah, I really wanted to drink some. But I didn't. The end.
posted by Neno | 8:43 AM
4 Comments:
You have liquor in the grocery store? Damn, I might have to reconsider living in S.D.
Also jealous of the ability to buy the "grog" along with your yogurt. And of Jane. (And I break out the thesaurus daily.)
Ahh - I can hardly wait, Please don't bring Philip or Burnett though. There is no way I could buy a bottle of booze this early and expect it to reach its intended recipient. I'd have to buy it on the way to the party. You are amazing in sooo many ways!
Hm. The fact that it bounced does kind of make is sound like a Phillips bottle, but no. It purty. You'll like it.
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